conditioned existence

Going outside to talk on the phone, visiting with katie at Nathaniel's wedding

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well check this shit out

[Christopher Anonymous]
10:16am
[i am] burning up with desire and passion and need get out
[Christopher Anonymous]
10:19am
yeah i feel SO restless lol
i feel like...hmmm...I'm not a normal person like
you do A then B and move to C and everything is ordered and arranged according to how it "should" be
i don't even think I could do that if i tried haha
[Court Anonymous]
10:23am
me either, bro
and, i think you do try.
or you have tried, in the not-too-distant past
so you know what works and what doesn't
[Christopher Anonymous]
10:27am
i THINK i'm best at music idk lol
[Court Anonymous]
10:28am
sure you know
[Christopher Anonymous]
10:29am
yeah
i believe i tell myself i think
and prevent myself from pursuing it cuz i'm scared
and want to try and be normal
[Court Anonymous]
10:30am
well it's good to not keep your views cemented, to always question them
i hear ya
[Christopher Anonymous]
10:31am
i'm not against taking the time to consider what is and isn;t
i just seem to be my biggest enemy in the arena of my passion and goals
[Christopher Anonymous]
10:36am
I seem to have trouble doing this all on my own...I'm not a follower, and I couldn't lead many people anywhere lol...but I need to find something in the middle and make it work

time on fire

Two weeks ago this time yesterday, I was just sitting in a train station in Seattle. Two weeks!

In the weeks preceding that, I was stressing about how to get "everything I could not do without" into my pack. I bought a pack more than double the size of my original pack, and still didn't fit it all in.
I've been shedding things since then, and am pretty sure it won't be long before this pack is far more than I need. Keep this up long enough, and I'll become the monk I set out to be three and a half years ago. (Only three and a half years?!)

Since I've arrived at my mom's house we've watched three movies (probably eight hours), and three and a half hours of TV. I haven't been here for forty-eight hours, and I've slept for twenty of those. I remember Geshe Michael Roach talking about returning from a three-year retreat and spending days watching movies. So I don't feel too bad. But I've only been "gone" two weeks! Am I just throwing myself into comfort? When I hit the road again in a month, will it be as painful as these past two weeks have been?

Yes. That's the point.
It's like being on fire.

testing

Trying out a new phone app that will, hopefully, make blogging from the phone suck less.

I just got into Hollywood. Already I prefer the previous hostel. Those people were all Travelers who happened to have parties. First impression here, these are mostly Partiers who happen to be traveling.
As a guy from the shuttle said, "eh, LA. The movie stars can have it."

Checked in with my father. He asked, "what are we meeting for?" Meeting? "I thought we were meeting each night with a cop." We're not meeting tonight. I'm in LA. Why would we meet a cop? "I was waiting for a cop, for the pill." What pill? What's going on? "Oh, I've gotta go, Court. I'll call you back in five minutes."
Rinse/repeat x 3.
Can't tell if he's on drugs or if his brain's gone wrong due to some blood sugar issue. He said his blood sugar is fine. Guess I just have to trust him for now.

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